These lads sleep alone
Compelling and scary at the same time, the Fool
I’ve been quite enchanted by the sublime symbolism of the Tarot decks recently. Being lucky enough to encounter a Reflector (a Human Design term), a mysterious creature who reads the decks, hits the nerve and clears my mind, I happened to be a gypsy myself. I guess it counts. So welcome backstage of my esoteric mind.
The Fool. In Tarot card reading it’s either the first, 0, or the last, XXII card. In the earlier Tarot, even a vagabond. Someone young, careless, unripe, ready to start his life journey. Walking unknowingly toward the brink of a precipice.
We all have met them (in my case, him), at least once in a lifetime. Someone utterly wise, yet, completely not from this world. In my case, someone from the cinematography world.
He’s so talented it hurts me. I’m not envious. I mean, really. His writing expands my mind. His movies astonish me. His life wisdom twists my guts out (although I’m a champ on that one!). His male intuition competes with my female one… a harsh battle! His sensitiveness wins completely. I’d add on the topic of sensuality… but I have no proof. Yet I’m sure, he’s deep there as well. I’m a wooden block compared to him (yet being a lady, whatapity!).
The alluring voice (quoting him, haha), the Bangladeshi eyes and the Yorkshire accent, which make a riddle of his double.
I’m not in love, as Diana Krall sings. I’m simply mesmerized by that combination of gifts boiling in one pot. I wanna see them bloom and flourish. I wanna participate in that divine cookery. Yet the cook is unaware of those talents. Moreover… the executive chef needs no sous-chef.
Here we go to the Fool. Someone destined to wander… with an odd purpose, wanting no strings attached. Not stupid, but, out of the system. We all know such guys or dolls. They attract and frighten at the same time. We could say they’re fearless… but it’s a lie. There’s one thing they fear the most, perhaps, the only one at all. A heartbreak.
They roam around countries, changing places and cutting the ties when it gets too close. They wanna keep the illusion of outer freedom because they’re tied up inside with fear of rejection.
And, while I was writing this, I was thinking — I am a Fool myself. By the Tarot reading, and, in life. Also wanting to roam endlessly, also afraid to come closer. Also, a weirdo.
Why am I writing all this? To say, the Fool needs no one for real. Even be that another Fool.
We could be a beautiful Fool’s Garden, our own Eden Tandem, because,
we are both insecure, both innately creative, frightened and hurt, both thinking outside the box, both emotionally deep and intellectually sharp.
Yet both irresponsible.
A lonely Fool amongst the crowd appears decadently sugar. He is romanticized. But, when another Fool emerges onstage? The plot twists. They have to either become “ordinary people” to build a relationship, and the fairy-tale goes bad ©, or, being two Fools?
If the latter, they gotta be some VERY PROMINENT Fools. Otherwise, the charm&thrill is gone. Extravagance is lost. And, how long will they keep that play up? I mean, ability. The flesh is mortal, and, losing its beauty and health at a speed of light.
So, he chose to remain a romanticized hero.
Oh, wait, or did I push him away first before he had his chance to do so? Might be true.
What about me? I played a role in the drama, now the next actress is onstage.
Oh, wait, or is it the other way round?
Time will tell.
For now, each Fool sleeps alone. At least the extravagance is accumulated.
